Wednesday 11 April 2012

life's twists and turns


Ok so you have started down a new path in life looking for greater personal happiness.... 
You have found what makes you happy inside and you are going for it all guns blazing, but then what?
How do u juggle working your way along that newly discovered Path and still living with atleast a foot in your old life??
I have a foot in my old life but i am not sure for how much longer??
My joy is elsewhere and so it is increasingly that much harder to keep putting that foot down on what seems like a path that doesnt work so much for me anymore.... i feel like it is working me instead of the other way around.
 I have truly loved every part of it & it isnt that i dont still have a passion for it just that i yearn to be home and working and planning my Farmy life so it seems to be a pull that i dont yearn for as much as i always used to.
Maybe i am just getting older and realising there is only so much time in the day and things that drain me mentally are perhaps not so good for me.

Much to-ing and fro-ing is going on in my head as i try to weigh up what i will be losing with what i will be gaining, not to mention that i have loved ones that are relying on me and then there is also the income i would be giving up with no way of knowing if i will make an income again!
How simply can a family live?, is it enough to be truly happy and at peace with a sweetly small simple life that is uncluttered with the chaotic thoughts that usually run my world.
How do you let go when u arent sure if u should or not?

Up until recently i let the loud, noisy, busy world crowd out the unsettling voice in my head that was increasingly whispering to me that i wasnt reaching my potential, that i wasnt doing what i was here for & in fact i  wouldnt even admit it to myself that i was feeling very unfulfilled cause i had it all right?
well no children for me to love [deep pain there for sure] but apart from that i have a wonderful hubby & a family that i adore beyond belief and beautiful friends - how could i ask for more when so many would wish for what i have? How could i not be happy with that?
I have found, this is true only for me as i cant speak for anyone else, that a simple decision to listen to that whisper and decide to follow it no matter where it leads has been a saving grace for me and shown me a inner peace & strength that i never thought i could reach.

I have such a long way to go on this amazing journey and i expect to make huge and small mistakes along the way but follow it i must, and follow it i will.

I dont know what my decision will be about other matters as they have to be discussed in depth with loved ones first and their opinions on the matter will not be taken lightly as their personal happiness is also a goal of mine <3

love trace xo

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